Somewhere in the city of Tehran, Iran, Pastor Saeed lay in a hospital room. He is now unshackled, but hasn't been for long and though he has received some care, the surgery he desperately needs to repair injuries still hasn't happened. Most of us would agree we would prefer not to be in a hospital, but for Pastor Saeed this must be a welcome relief from being tortured and neglected in Iran's most horrible and evil prison. For months he has been deeply tortured and has carried unhealed wounds and afflictions in his body. What was his crime? This faithful pastor, who is a US citizen from the state of Idaho, was imprisoned in 2012 for helping to build an orphanage and sharing his faith in Christ.
His beautiful, loving wife Naghmeh, has led the charge to free her husband. She has worked tirelessly recruiting as many believers as possible, reaching millions through social media, as well as politicians inside and outside the US. It would seem that by this point, the US would put great priority in demanding the freedom of an American citizen, but little has been done in regards to those who have authority to make such things happen. Many have been storming the gates of heaven on his behalf, but what is it accomplishing? Plenty I am sure, but not Saeed's release. I myself have prayed that Saeed, like Paul and the other apostles, would have supernatural experiences leading many to Christ and in my heart I believe that to be true. However, would this be a path Saeed would have chosen for himself? Maybe he would. Maybe he is a better Christian than me as I am certain torture, pain, discomfort, and imprisonment would absolutely not be on my bucket list.
As I was thinking about my own life the other day, it crossed my mind that God seems to use many troubles in our lives that allow us for a season to be imprisoned. A circumstance in which we feel out of control and unable to change, could be a type of prison. For me eight years ago, I went through a horrible life changing experience and in my mind, not for the better. I lost control of something I never realized was such a gift. My health was robbed in what seemed like an instant. To have one's health is huge. To not have it can change everything. I have a list of all that I have lost during this season. Plenty and somedays I wonder if I will never have it back. I can't accept that I won't and believe God has shown me the day will come I will be set free, but in the meantime, life is unpredictable and mostly a battle.
I am embarrassed to be in this situation and feel extremely vulnerable. I don't like being out of control and some days, I honestly feel like a little kid who threatens to hold my breath till I pass out if someone doesn't let me out! I can just picture what that would look out. On second thought, let's skip that selfie.
Prayer after prayer and doing all the quote unquote right things hasn't opened the door. Where is the key Lord and why can't I have it?
On my birthday I awakened with the thought of maybe today will be a new day and my day of freedom, immediately I heard "wait." "What?!" I exclaimed. I thought, then what is the point of getting out of bed today. Talk about bursting my bubble. After I got over my attitude, I said again as I have many many times before, "I trust you Lord."
When I was younger and thought I was so spiritually enlightened, I know it freaks me out too that I once thought that, I would tell people, quit trying to get out of your troubles and let God have His way in you through them. I wasn't speaking what I didn't know as I had been applying that principle to my own life. Then here is comes: the valley of the shadow of death. To get out has been my constant obsession. To find what will heal and set me free my one desire.
One day I heard Him say, "fellowship with me in your sufferings." In other words, it is time to embrace this place. It is time to quit expending all your energy on a futile endeavor and see what God is and wants to do. I can think of many great things that have come out of my prison experience so far. One is dependence. The realization I can't even breathe without help. I know to whom I must cling. I have learned grace, when in the past, I was far from it. To hear of another's physical weakness causes such compassion where before it didn't. I pray and fight for those who are also imprisoned through sickness. I have met people and ministered to people I wouldn't have otherwise. I have become exposed to truths I never dreamed. Yet somehow there is something so profound in this fellowshipping with Jesus in this dark place that I have yet to tap into. It is something Paul asked for, though I am pretty sure I had to be forced into. I am here and with eager anticipation awaiting this rich life changing place. Maybe this freedom I long for will be found in the very place I have been begging to have opened up for me. Now wouldn't that beat all!
