Colors of the Wind

I remember it like it was yesterday. How exciting it was when my dad brought home our first color television set! To see the characters come alive in bright blues, greens, reds and yellows was incredible. It changed the whole television experience from the black and white we had known, to amazing Technicolor. Can you imagine how different watching the Wizard of Oz would have been without the transition from the black and white of Kansas, to the vibrant colors in the Land of the Munchkins?

For many years, I heard it said of God, that He was black and white. I believed what I was told and even preached it myself. Until, I had an encounter with a multi-colored God. How could I believe that He was black and white when all the evidence pointed to the contrary? He created this world with every color imaginable. Have you noticed the variety of colors in the flowers? What about a rainbow after a refreshing thunderstorm? I am not sure Noah would have been near as impressed if God presented His promise in a rainbow void of color. God even created people in different colors; Red and yellow, black and white they are precious in His sight; Jesus loves the little children of the world. He recently revealed himself in color to me again. I was having a blah day and the only thing I could think my heart wanted to do, was play the piano. My daughter was asleep, so I had to wait until the evening, when finally I sat down at the keys to play. I started to turn the pages of my worship song book, when I heard the Lord say, “Play Colors of the Wind.”

“What? You would rather hear Disney than a worship song?”

“I know how much you enjoy playing it, so play it for Me.”

I know His voice, so I played it. I also played several other songs that were not in the worship repertoire. I enjoyed it and to sense His pleasure was the best part. It reminded me of the phrase from Chariots of Fire, where Eric Liddell said he felt God’s pleasure when he ran. That always touched me, because Eric was also a missionary and yet the part of his life that seemed to pleasure the Lord the most, was when he ran. Who would have guessed?

To believe that God would choose the least spiritual way is not the way we are usually brought up to think. I grew up in a Lutheran church and if you know anything about it, you know that their services are very predictable. There is hymnal singing, standing, sitting, kneeling all in a prescribed order, the liturgy, which when you are a little kid, feels like it goes on forever, and the message is even longer than the liturgy. Oh and you had better behave because this is after all, God’s house and He doesn’t like it when kids squirm or make noise. Good luck with that. Like He didn’t know He created us with ants in our pants. Well, then I moved on, to what felt like a major graduation into the Charismatic Church. It just sounds more exciting to say. At least it did for the first two decades and then again it seemed like everything fit in a tidy, repetitious little box. I couldn’t take it anymore. I told the Lord that if this is all there is; then this is not ok. Hopefully He was laughing, as I tried to tell the King of the entire universe, He was boring. Did I just say that? I didn’t use those exact words, but in essence that is what I meant. From here the Lord took me on a journey that ended with my office being decorated with Lord of the Rings. He used several unexpected sources to speak to my heart about his unending creativity; which is anything but boring. He also caused me to see, in the tiniest of measure, the vastness of our amazing God. Now I actively look to see Him and hear Him in any way He desires. I love to hear Him speak to me as I sit in a movie theater or as I read a novel or listen to a podcast or maybe it comes directly from His Word. I love it! Whatever way He way He chooses, only proves once again, that He truly is all the Colors of the Wind.

"Trained " in Compassion

Someone asked me today if I thought I am a compassionate person. I thought briefly and answered honestly, "yes I believe I am." I couldn’t always answer that way, and certainly know I still have long ways to go. Yet I have definitely made progress. Another person once told that I was like a train going ninety-seven miles an hour downhill without brakes. As I recall, this person told me that as a result of their own experience with me, in a confrontative situation. That is a pretty good indication that I once failed the compassion test. However, how faithful is He who has called me. He has allowed me to go through some painful trials and it is through them that I am learning to have compassion. Each obstacle or painful trial in life is intended by Papa God, to produce another element of His character in me. I wish it was easier to understand this ahead of time. Maybe I wouldn’t buck so hard against what He was trying to produce in me. I am certain I have had to repeat tests on numerous occasions, rather than learning the first or second or even third time around. I can be so much like the children of Israel who wondered around and around in the desert for forty long years. I once gave Him permission to do whatever it took in me to make sure the character at least matched, but preferably exceeded the anointing in my life. I have discovered that He likes those kinds of prayers and fully intends to answer them. I, however, had no idea what I was praying in a moment of intimacy with my Savior. Yet the fruit is coming forth and my heart is grateful that compassion is one that I can claim is becoming more and more evident. I am certain my friends and family are grateful. I want to be moved with compassion, so that others can experience a touch from the Lord that will minister His pure love to them. After all, who in their right mind would want to receive from one who approaches them as a train out of control?

My Honor and Glory Come from You, Lord

What a difference a day can bring! The voices that spewed forth condemnation yesterday are all but silent today. Today my heart is moved with compassion for so many I love and care for and prayer comes easily. I wish everyday was like that, but the truth is, it is not. I struggle many days wondering if I can even pray because after all, am I really praying as I ought. It comes down to too much dependence on me and not enough on Him. I pray that He works that holy confidence in me to make me secure and certain that He really is able to use this ordinary vessel to accomplish greatness for Him. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, has mattered to me for as long as I can remember. When I was a child, I dreamed of being a singer for Jesus. I would practice with my Tickle deodorant bottles, which had a big colorful dome as the lid and made a great microphone. I would sing “Somewhere over the Rainbow.” My dreams were big, but as the pain and rejection of life ensued, I found my dreams faded far into the background. Hardship characterized my life and gradually I came to believe that dreams coming true were reserved for fairy tales or a few elect individuals, of which I was not one. I no longer believe this is true. My heart hopes in these dreams. I know why the Bible says, without a vision my people perish. I can’t imagine living in such a time, without a solid understanding; I am not here by accident. I couldn’t go on another day in this life without the absolute certainty that I am here for a reason, not just to exist or go through the motions. Life is just too hard for that. Instead of a shallow existence, I have been placed here for something great and you know what the really cool thing is; so have you!

New Beginnings

Ever since I began my journey with the Lord, I asked Him to help me be a Christian and a “real” person. What does that mean? Well to me it means that I don’t always have to live on some unreachable spiritual plain, nor do I need to act like I do. It means I have the freedom to be truthful and honest before my God, but also before all those in my life. So here I am twenty-five plus years down the road and how have I done with this goal? I can be real and say without any hesitation, I fell head long into the very thing I didn’t want to be. I tried desperately to prove to God first and then everyone else that I was strong and had my act together spiritually. After many years of maintaining this facade, I came to a place of total and complete burnout. I conceded the battle that I had been engaged in for too long. I came to the end of myself. It required backing away from all that I had previously known spiritually, because I was so steeped in this religious legalism that was killing me. I dropped out of all my roles in ministry. I determined if this was all there was it wasn’t ok and I must discover what I am missing. The Lord led me down a road I never dreamed and in that process I rediscovered my faith and came to a new understanding of God’s unconditional and perfect love and acceptance. Along with that, I came to love Him for His vastness, unpredictability, unending creativity, and a diversity that is never satisfied. I had put Him in this little box. It was all I had known and all I had been taught. I needed a new lens in which to see beyond the past and gain a vision for the future. Part of this season was spent discovering gifts and desires that have yet to be fulfilled. As a result of this, I have decided to create a forum in which I and others will have a medium that will grant us the freedom to be “real.” What will this look like? Come along for the ride and let’s see. Part of the fun is in the mystery of not knowing everything in advance. The more I relinquish the control of my life to trusting Him, the more I enjoy the journey.