New Beginnings

Ever since I began my journey with the Lord, I asked Him to help me be a Christian and a “real” person. What does that mean? Well to me it means that I don’t always have to live on some unreachable spiritual plain, nor do I need to act like I do. It means I have the freedom to be truthful and honest before my God, but also before all those in my life. So here I am twenty-five plus years down the road and how have I done with this goal? I can be real and say without any hesitation, I fell head long into the very thing I didn’t want to be. I tried desperately to prove to God first and then everyone else that I was strong and had my act together spiritually. After many years of maintaining this facade, I came to a place of total and complete burnout. I conceded the battle that I had been engaged in for too long. I came to the end of myself. It required backing away from all that I had previously known spiritually, because I was so steeped in this religious legalism that was killing me. I dropped out of all my roles in ministry. I determined if this was all there was it wasn’t ok and I must discover what I am missing. The Lord led me down a road I never dreamed and in that process I rediscovered my faith and came to a new understanding of God’s unconditional and perfect love and acceptance. Along with that, I came to love Him for His vastness, unpredictability, unending creativity, and a diversity that is never satisfied. I had put Him in this little box. It was all I had known and all I had been taught. I needed a new lens in which to see beyond the past and gain a vision for the future. Part of this season was spent discovering gifts and desires that have yet to be fulfilled. As a result of this, I have decided to create a forum in which I and others will have a medium that will grant us the freedom to be “real.” What will this look like? Come along for the ride and let’s see. Part of the fun is in the mystery of not knowing everything in advance. The more I relinquish the control of my life to trusting Him, the more I enjoy the journey.